Are pansexual people promiscuous or polyamorous?
There seem to be several common misconceptions about people who are not heterosexual, including those who identify as pansexual. One of the biggest misconceptions is misunderstanding what it means to be pansexual. Pansexuality is often confused with bisexuality, but while bisexuality refers to attraction to both men and women, pansexuality is the attraction to people regardless of their gender. This may include people identifying as male, female, transgender, non-binary, and more. Because pansexual individuals don’t worry about the gender of the person they are attracted to, they are considered gender blind. Omnisexual individuals, on the other hand, consider the gender of the person they are attracted to and may have a slight gender preference when it comes to attraction but not a specific gender requirement.
There is also a tendency to over-sexualize anyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, especially in media portrayals. For example, pansexual individuals are often portrayed as more promiscuous or sexually active than heterosexual individuals. This is a baseless stereotype that sexualizes and invalidates the genuine emotional and romantic aspects of their relationships. It can lead to a misunderstanding of the nature of these orientations, reducing them to purely sexual terms rather than acknowledging them as complex and varied human experiences.
Furthermore, people often mistakenly assume that being pansexual automatically means being polyamorous. However, while some pansexual individuals may practice polyamory, the two are not synonymous. Pansexuality is about the capacity to be attracted to all gender identities, whereas polyamory is about the willingness to be in relationships with multiple people at the same time.
Let’s see what the data from my survey tell us about the relationships, dating, and sexual behavior of pansexual individuals compared with heterosexual individuals.
There is also a tendency to over-sexualize anyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, especially in media portrayals. For example, pansexual individuals are often portrayed as more promiscuous or sexually active than heterosexual individuals. This is a baseless stereotype that sexualizes and invalidates the genuine emotional and romantic aspects of their relationships. It can lead to a misunderstanding of the nature of these orientations, reducing them to purely sexual terms rather than acknowledging them as complex and varied human experiences.
Furthermore, people often mistakenly assume that being pansexual automatically means being polyamorous. However, while some pansexual individuals may practice polyamory, the two are not synonymous. Pansexuality is about the capacity to be attracted to all gender identities, whereas polyamory is about the willingness to be in relationships with multiple people at the same time.
Let’s see what the data from my survey tell us about the relationships, dating, and sexual behavior of pansexual individuals compared with heterosexual individuals.
Among the 3,000 plus students that participated in my survey ‘Why do students have sex?’, 2.5% of millennial and 3% of Gen Z students identified as pansexual. Looking at the self-reported relationship status, the pattern is more or less the same for pansexual and heterosexual students. About half of either group reported being in a committed relationship, and the other half was single/not in a relationship. Only a tiny fraction was in an open relationship (between 2% and 5%) or described their relationship as ‘complicated’ or similar (between 3% and 7%).
Most pansexual survey respondents described their last or current relationship similar to heterosexual students. Nonetheless, there were also narratives that pointed to pansexual relationships sometimes being different. |
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“2.5 years, live together. Met online, him in ohio, me here. He moved down to be together when i told him i wont do long distance. Super cute guy.” (pansexual female, 21, senior)
“High school sweethearts, been together 4 years. Don’t see it changing anytime soon. Wouldn’t want it any other way.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I have a primary partner I live with, a secondary partner who lives away, and a friend with sexual benefits.” (pansexual male, 20, junior)
“Currently. my girlfriend acts upon the "open" part of the relationship where she has romantic/sexual acts towards a couple people we are close to. I act as if we are monogamous since August 2021 (I have not have experiences outside of her while we have been dating) but I have the desire to explore other forms of romantic/sexual acts like she does.” (pansexual female, 21, junior)
“i have never been in a serious relationship, but i have had oral sex with one person one time and it was bad i don’t wanna do it again.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“I have been in open relationship and poly relationships. Currently I have no offical partners and have three sexual partners.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“We have been together for 10 months and live together. We met in middle school at a church.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
The percentage of students who had engaged in sexual activity (oral, vaginal, or anal sex) already was about the same for both groups (85% for pansexual students vs. 82% for heterosexual students). However, heterosexual students were more likely to be sexually active currently (58% vs. 54%.), and they reported having had more sexual partners over the last 12 months (3.1 vs. 2.4 for heterosexual students). Not surprisingly, only 8% of heterosexual students admitted having had sex with a non-heterosexual partner during the last year. Contrary to that, 62% of pansexual students had engaged with someone who didn’t identify as heterosexual, with bisexual, pansexual, and homosexual (gay/lesbian) partners making up the bulk.
As far as oral sex is concerned, 80% of both groups had given or received it at least once, but more pansexual students were currently practicing (64% vs. 55%). There was basically no difference between the shares of students who had engaged in intercourse yet (77% of pansexual respondents vs. 75% of heterosexual respondents) and students who currently engaged in intercourse (62% vs. 59%). There was, however, a considerable difference in the percentages of students having tried anal sex at least once (35% of pansexual students vs. 19% of heterosexual students) and students regularly having anal sex at the time of responding to the survey (24% of pansexual students vs. 7% of heterosexual students).
The dating life of pansexual students is remarkably different from that of heterosexual students. The latter were much more likely to meet someone new on campus (61%) or when going out (66%) than online (20%) or via dating/hookup apps (18%). Pansexual students mainly used online dating (65%) and dating/hookup apps (56%), and only 35% met new partners when going out or on campus. They were also much more successful meeting people online, with 72% hooking up with people they met only regularly or more than once compared with 52% only for heterosexual students.
When asked how long they usually waited before engaging in sexual activity with a new partner, pansexual students reported being more likely to engage within the first month (58% vs. 39%) but slightly less likely to have sex during the first date than heterosexual students (6% vs. 8%). However, pansexual students were much more inclined to have casual sex or a one-night stand than heterosexual students (57% vs. 43%), and they were less likely to blame alcohol, drugs, or other outside factors for that behavior (20% vs. 34% of heterosexual students).
“I went to a bunch of different frat parties and drank a lot, as one does, and hooked up with random guys. A lot of the time I didn’t know their names but I felt I owed them something based off my past sexual abuse. They also made me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex.” (pansexual female, 22, junior)
“I drank one (1) time and got drunk. I engaged in oral, and attempted vaginal, sex with a man I'd never previously, nor since, met. Because I'd been drinking I was probably less shy than I normally am, so if I hadn't been drinking I wouldn’t have had sex.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“Alcohol and loneliness.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“I was very drunk and high from marijuana; I had a one night stand at my previous Uni; No regrets.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“i was drunk and a friend from highschool stopped by and one thing led to another. fully consensual.” (pansexual female, 20, sophomore)
While there are differences in the relationships, dating, and sexual behavior between pansexual and heterosexual students, the data from my survey don’t support the widespread stereotypes of pansexual people being promiscuous or polyamorous at all.
“High school sweethearts, been together 4 years. Don’t see it changing anytime soon. Wouldn’t want it any other way.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I have a primary partner I live with, a secondary partner who lives away, and a friend with sexual benefits.” (pansexual male, 20, junior)
“Currently. my girlfriend acts upon the "open" part of the relationship where she has romantic/sexual acts towards a couple people we are close to. I act as if we are monogamous since August 2021 (I have not have experiences outside of her while we have been dating) but I have the desire to explore other forms of romantic/sexual acts like she does.” (pansexual female, 21, junior)
“i have never been in a serious relationship, but i have had oral sex with one person one time and it was bad i don’t wanna do it again.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“I have been in open relationship and poly relationships. Currently I have no offical partners and have three sexual partners.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“We have been together for 10 months and live together. We met in middle school at a church.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
The percentage of students who had engaged in sexual activity (oral, vaginal, or anal sex) already was about the same for both groups (85% for pansexual students vs. 82% for heterosexual students). However, heterosexual students were more likely to be sexually active currently (58% vs. 54%.), and they reported having had more sexual partners over the last 12 months (3.1 vs. 2.4 for heterosexual students). Not surprisingly, only 8% of heterosexual students admitted having had sex with a non-heterosexual partner during the last year. Contrary to that, 62% of pansexual students had engaged with someone who didn’t identify as heterosexual, with bisexual, pansexual, and homosexual (gay/lesbian) partners making up the bulk.
As far as oral sex is concerned, 80% of both groups had given or received it at least once, but more pansexual students were currently practicing (64% vs. 55%). There was basically no difference between the shares of students who had engaged in intercourse yet (77% of pansexual respondents vs. 75% of heterosexual respondents) and students who currently engaged in intercourse (62% vs. 59%). There was, however, a considerable difference in the percentages of students having tried anal sex at least once (35% of pansexual students vs. 19% of heterosexual students) and students regularly having anal sex at the time of responding to the survey (24% of pansexual students vs. 7% of heterosexual students).
The dating life of pansexual students is remarkably different from that of heterosexual students. The latter were much more likely to meet someone new on campus (61%) or when going out (66%) than online (20%) or via dating/hookup apps (18%). Pansexual students mainly used online dating (65%) and dating/hookup apps (56%), and only 35% met new partners when going out or on campus. They were also much more successful meeting people online, with 72% hooking up with people they met only regularly or more than once compared with 52% only for heterosexual students.
When asked how long they usually waited before engaging in sexual activity with a new partner, pansexual students reported being more likely to engage within the first month (58% vs. 39%) but slightly less likely to have sex during the first date than heterosexual students (6% vs. 8%). However, pansexual students were much more inclined to have casual sex or a one-night stand than heterosexual students (57% vs. 43%), and they were less likely to blame alcohol, drugs, or other outside factors for that behavior (20% vs. 34% of heterosexual students).
“I went to a bunch of different frat parties and drank a lot, as one does, and hooked up with random guys. A lot of the time I didn’t know their names but I felt I owed them something based off my past sexual abuse. They also made me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex.” (pansexual female, 22, junior)
“I drank one (1) time and got drunk. I engaged in oral, and attempted vaginal, sex with a man I'd never previously, nor since, met. Because I'd been drinking I was probably less shy than I normally am, so if I hadn't been drinking I wouldn’t have had sex.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“Alcohol and loneliness.” (pansexual female, 18, freshman)
“I was very drunk and high from marijuana; I had a one night stand at my previous Uni; No regrets.” (pansexual female, 19, sophomore)
“i was drunk and a friend from highschool stopped by and one thing led to another. fully consensual.” (pansexual female, 20, sophomore)
While there are differences in the relationships, dating, and sexual behavior between pansexual and heterosexual students, the data from my survey don’t support the widespread stereotypes of pansexual people being promiscuous or polyamorous at all.