“No one likes the girls who tell.” Why victims of sexual violence remain silent
In September 2019, a female student at Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU) met a male student at a party. At first, the encounter went well until things changed the next morning. The male student choked the victim, raped her, took a video of her, and shared it online. Even though the Office of Institutional Equity & Compliance (OIEC) at FGCU investigated the incident, it took until January 2021 before the investigation was completed. During that time, the victim received basically no information from OIEC. Still, at the end of the investigation, the victim was informed that sufficient evidence had been found that “the respondent subjected the complainant to nonconsensual sex as well as sexual exploitation”, and the perpetrator was suspended from the University for three years. However, the police and the State Attorney’s Office refused to pursue criminal charges against the male student, citing insufficient evidence.
Another female student who was choked and raped by a fellow student at Visible Music College, a Christian college in Memphis, TN, also reported the incident to college administrators. However, instead of opening an investigation, the school accused her of breaking school rules by having had sex with a different student prior to the rape. Even though the student denied having had sex with her former boyfriend, the school pressured her to sign a confession, finish the school year remotely, and refrain from talking to other students about the assault. If she refused, the school would expel her. The Memphis Police Department declined to arrest the perpetrator on the grounds of not having enough evidence. The student ended up moving back home and withdrawing from Visible nine credits shy of a bachelor’s degree.
It is common knowledge that most victims of sexual violence will not report the incident to authorities for several reasons, including fear of retaliation, social stigma, shame, concerns about not being believed, and the perceived difficulty of the legal process. Reporting rates can vary widely by country, region, and culture. In some states or communities, reporting rates may be higher due to more supportive systems for victims, while in others, they may be lower due to cultural norms or lack of trust in authorities.
Because of that, it is difficult, if not impossible, to know how many cases actually happen each year and, of course, what percentage of victims report the crime. Therefore, we have to be skeptical about any statistics published, regardless of who the source is, and have to assume that the actual numbers are much higher than reported. Estimates often suggest that only a fraction of sexual assaults are reported to authorities, with numbers ranging from about 20% to 35% or even lower, depending on the study and the specific population. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), for one, reports that 37% of sexual assault cases and 12% of child sex abuse cases would be reported to police. According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, only an estimated 15.8% of rape and sexual assault cases were reported to law enforcement in 2019. The NSVRC also stated that less than 10% of incidents of sexual violence on college campuses are being reported.
That number aligns with the data from my survey. Among Gen Z students who were victims of sexual harassment or assault, only 7% reported the incident. That percentage was fairly constant for the different sexes, gender identities, and sexual orientations. Asexual students were the only group with a considerably higher share, with 20% reporting the assault. At the other end of the spectrum, none of the TGN (transgender/gender-nonconforming) students or gay males who had suffered sexual violence reported the crime. Surprisingly, among heterosexual students, males were more likely to report the incident than females (10% vs. 6%).
Another female student who was choked and raped by a fellow student at Visible Music College, a Christian college in Memphis, TN, also reported the incident to college administrators. However, instead of opening an investigation, the school accused her of breaking school rules by having had sex with a different student prior to the rape. Even though the student denied having had sex with her former boyfriend, the school pressured her to sign a confession, finish the school year remotely, and refrain from talking to other students about the assault. If she refused, the school would expel her. The Memphis Police Department declined to arrest the perpetrator on the grounds of not having enough evidence. The student ended up moving back home and withdrawing from Visible nine credits shy of a bachelor’s degree.
It is common knowledge that most victims of sexual violence will not report the incident to authorities for several reasons, including fear of retaliation, social stigma, shame, concerns about not being believed, and the perceived difficulty of the legal process. Reporting rates can vary widely by country, region, and culture. In some states or communities, reporting rates may be higher due to more supportive systems for victims, while in others, they may be lower due to cultural norms or lack of trust in authorities.
Because of that, it is difficult, if not impossible, to know how many cases actually happen each year and, of course, what percentage of victims report the crime. Therefore, we have to be skeptical about any statistics published, regardless of who the source is, and have to assume that the actual numbers are much higher than reported. Estimates often suggest that only a fraction of sexual assaults are reported to authorities, with numbers ranging from about 20% to 35% or even lower, depending on the study and the specific population. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), for one, reports that 37% of sexual assault cases and 12% of child sex abuse cases would be reported to police. According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, only an estimated 15.8% of rape and sexual assault cases were reported to law enforcement in 2019. The NSVRC also stated that less than 10% of incidents of sexual violence on college campuses are being reported.
That number aligns with the data from my survey. Among Gen Z students who were victims of sexual harassment or assault, only 7% reported the incident. That percentage was fairly constant for the different sexes, gender identities, and sexual orientations. Asexual students were the only group with a considerably higher share, with 20% reporting the assault. At the other end of the spectrum, none of the TGN (transgender/gender-nonconforming) students or gay males who had suffered sexual violence reported the crime. Surprisingly, among heterosexual students, males were more likely to report the incident than females (10% vs. 6%).
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Reading over the more than 300 narratives Gen Z students submitted to explain the reason for why they didn’t report the incident, it becomes clear that 1) students didn’t want anyone to know or deal with the fallout from making the incident public; 2) they felt guilty because they felt they had contributed to the incident happening; 3) they didn’t want to hurt the people who had hurt them; 4) they were worried about repercussions or retaliation from the perpetrators or others in their social spheres; 5) they didn’t trust authorities or felt that they wouldn’t be believed; and 6) they wanted to forget the trauma and not have to relive it again.
“No one likes the girls who tell.” (heterosexual female, 18, freshman) “i'd rather not be harassed by the persons friends.” (heterosexual male, 18, freshman) |
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“I went to a small school, so word spread quickly. the people who watched didn’t want to be blamed or take responsibility, so they started spreading rumors that i slept with that guy in front of everyone because i was drunk and had no shame. it was easier to just remove myself from the situation than to make it any worse for myself, so i moved 1000 miles away to florida haha.” (pansexual female genderfluid, 19, freshman)
“was too drunk. didn't want to get in trouble.” (heterosexual female, 19, freshman)
“I just didn’t want to deal with the situation anymore.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I felt that, as a male, I would be viewed as being dramatic or a liar if I had called what happened to me sexual assault.” (heterosexual male, 21, junior)
“I don’t want anybody to know about this.” (heterosexual female, 21, junior)
“My parents don’t believe rape victims, the judicial system SUCKS.” (undecided female, 18, freshman)
“My sex life is my deepest darkest secret. I might not even submit this supposedly anonymous quiz because I will not be okay if anyone finds out.” (bisexual female, 21, junior)
“He was a sweet guy at first and didn’t want to ruin anyone’s academic reputation.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I didn't want anyone to know and initially blamed myself for both of my more serious instances. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and felt dirty. The first experience made me feel as if my body wasn't mine, and it was just for men to use. I got my validation from that for a very long time. Thus I no longer wanted to wait until marriage but rather had a lot of sex.” (bisexual female, 18, freshman)
“I was young and I didn't want my parents to know I was having sex.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 was supposed to be a game-changer for sex-based discrimination, harassment, and violence. It applies to both public and private educational institutions that receive federal funding, including public schools, colleges, and universities, as well as private schools and institutions that receive federal financial assistance. Title IX addresses various aspects of sex-based discrimination, including in athletics, academics, extracurricular activities, and employment. Under Title IX, colleges and universities are legally obligated to address and respond to reports of sexual harassment and assault. They also must make efforts to prevent them. Failure to do so can result in a loss of federal funding.
Yet, the above narratives show that even though efforts have been made to encourage victims to come forward, reduce the stigma associated with reporting, and improve the response of authorities and support services to victims of sexual violence, there’s much more to do. Instead of creating an environment where sexual assault victims feel safe, supported, and empowered to report if they choose to do so, schools, colleges, and universities often fall way short of that goal.
Also, interpretation and enforcement of Title IX have been subject to changes and shifts in policy, depending on the administration in power in Washington, D.C. These changes have led to evolving guidance and regulations related to how educational institutions should address issues of sex-based discrimination, including sexual harassment and assault. In September 2021, the Department of Education (DoE) issued a notice of proposed rulemaking to amend these regulations, signaling potential changes. The DoE proposed regulations to strengthen protections for students who experience sexual harassment and assault at colleges and help protect LGBTQ+ students from discrimination in July 2022. However, as of January 2024, these proposed changes have not been made final.
“was too drunk. didn't want to get in trouble.” (heterosexual female, 19, freshman)
“I just didn’t want to deal with the situation anymore.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I felt that, as a male, I would be viewed as being dramatic or a liar if I had called what happened to me sexual assault.” (heterosexual male, 21, junior)
“I don’t want anybody to know about this.” (heterosexual female, 21, junior)
“My parents don’t believe rape victims, the judicial system SUCKS.” (undecided female, 18, freshman)
“My sex life is my deepest darkest secret. I might not even submit this supposedly anonymous quiz because I will not be okay if anyone finds out.” (bisexual female, 21, junior)
“He was a sweet guy at first and didn’t want to ruin anyone’s academic reputation.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
“I didn't want anyone to know and initially blamed myself for both of my more serious instances. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and felt dirty. The first experience made me feel as if my body wasn't mine, and it was just for men to use. I got my validation from that for a very long time. Thus I no longer wanted to wait until marriage but rather had a lot of sex.” (bisexual female, 18, freshman)
“I was young and I didn't want my parents to know I was having sex.” (heterosexual female, 19, sophomore)
Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 was supposed to be a game-changer for sex-based discrimination, harassment, and violence. It applies to both public and private educational institutions that receive federal funding, including public schools, colleges, and universities, as well as private schools and institutions that receive federal financial assistance. Title IX addresses various aspects of sex-based discrimination, including in athletics, academics, extracurricular activities, and employment. Under Title IX, colleges and universities are legally obligated to address and respond to reports of sexual harassment and assault. They also must make efforts to prevent them. Failure to do so can result in a loss of federal funding.
Yet, the above narratives show that even though efforts have been made to encourage victims to come forward, reduce the stigma associated with reporting, and improve the response of authorities and support services to victims of sexual violence, there’s much more to do. Instead of creating an environment where sexual assault victims feel safe, supported, and empowered to report if they choose to do so, schools, colleges, and universities often fall way short of that goal.
Also, interpretation and enforcement of Title IX have been subject to changes and shifts in policy, depending on the administration in power in Washington, D.C. These changes have led to evolving guidance and regulations related to how educational institutions should address issues of sex-based discrimination, including sexual harassment and assault. In September 2021, the Department of Education (DoE) issued a notice of proposed rulemaking to amend these regulations, signaling potential changes. The DoE proposed regulations to strengthen protections for students who experience sexual harassment and assault at colleges and help protect LGBTQ+ students from discrimination in July 2022. However, as of January 2024, these proposed changes have not been made final.
