To wait or not to wait - that is the question. Is it nobler to wait or have sex on the first date?
Gen Z students may be less sexually active than millennial students, but they’re quicker off the mark. Only one-third of millennials responding to my survey engaged in sexual activity with a new partner within the first month, with 4% saying it happened on the first date or the first time they met someone, 12% waited a week or two, and 20% waited between two weeks and a month. On the other hand, one-half of Gen Z students engaged in sex within the first month of meeting a new partner. Six percent were already active on the first date, 20% within a week or two, and 23% after two to four weeks. Millennial students were more likely to write that they generally didn’t have a set time frame and that their decision to become sexually active with someone depended on various factors (15% vs. 7% for Gen Zers). One in ten millennial and Gen Z students didn’t really know what to say or what time frame to indicate.
“3 months, depending how horny i am.” (millennial male, 24, senior)
“A few days i guess it depends.” (millennial female, 22, sophomore)
“a very long time.” (millennial female, 21, junior)
“At least a month bit there have been exceptions.” (millennial female, 20, junior)
“depends on the situation. I've waited a week and I've waited over a year.” (millennial female, 20, sophomore)
“I dont really care.” (millennial male, 23, senior)
“It all depends on how attracted you are to one another.” (millennial male, 22, junior)
“I've never had a partner nor have I become sexually active.” (millennial female, 23, senior)
“When the lord says it's right.” (millennial male, 20, junior)
“A month if I want a relationship out of it. It depends on if I'm pursuing a relationship with them or if it's purely for sexual attention.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“depends if i like them or not.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“as long as it takes for both of us to be comfortable.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“depends on if i’m interested in dating or hooking up.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“Considering the fact that before you're in a relationship you're getting to know the person and just kind of talking to them, I wait until we are in a commited relationship and maybe within the first month of the relationship.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“Depends- if alcohol is involved no, if not then i wait.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“Randomly. Some its under a week, some its over months.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“depends on the relationship, can be almost immediate or take almost a year.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“Till I feel comfortable or till I feel they are worth my time.” (Gen Z male, 20, sophomore)
“Depends sometimes I have one night stands.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“Great question, no idea. My main goal is to just be celibate until I get married at this point but not for any religious purpose.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“My on and off switch is selective to people and often times I'm not sexually interested in anybody. There is only 1 person I'm interested in and can turn the lights on, everybody else doesn't get to.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“no time frame. connection is different for different people.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“until i think it's time in the relationship.” (Gen Z female, 19, freshman)
“When it happens it happens.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“different circumstances breed different time periods.” (Gen Z female, 24, senior)
“3 months, depending how horny i am.” (millennial male, 24, senior)
“A few days i guess it depends.” (millennial female, 22, sophomore)
“a very long time.” (millennial female, 21, junior)
“At least a month bit there have been exceptions.” (millennial female, 20, junior)
“depends on the situation. I've waited a week and I've waited over a year.” (millennial female, 20, sophomore)
“I dont really care.” (millennial male, 23, senior)
“It all depends on how attracted you are to one another.” (millennial male, 22, junior)
“I've never had a partner nor have I become sexually active.” (millennial female, 23, senior)
“When the lord says it's right.” (millennial male, 20, junior)
“A month if I want a relationship out of it. It depends on if I'm pursuing a relationship with them or if it's purely for sexual attention.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“depends if i like them or not.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“as long as it takes for both of us to be comfortable.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“depends on if i’m interested in dating or hooking up.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“Considering the fact that before you're in a relationship you're getting to know the person and just kind of talking to them, I wait until we are in a commited relationship and maybe within the first month of the relationship.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“Depends- if alcohol is involved no, if not then i wait.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“Randomly. Some its under a week, some its over months.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“depends on the relationship, can be almost immediate or take almost a year.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“Till I feel comfortable or till I feel they are worth my time.” (Gen Z male, 20, sophomore)
“Depends sometimes I have one night stands.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“Great question, no idea. My main goal is to just be celibate until I get married at this point but not for any religious purpose.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“My on and off switch is selective to people and often times I'm not sexually interested in anybody. There is only 1 person I'm interested in and can turn the lights on, everybody else doesn't get to.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“no time frame. connection is different for different people.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“until i think it's time in the relationship.” (Gen Z female, 19, freshman)
“When it happens it happens.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“different circumstances breed different time periods.” (Gen Z female, 24, senior)
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But there are plenty of students who are willing or determined to wait either for quite some time or until they’re in a stable relationship or even married. And there are some students who aren’t ready yet to ponder the questions of sexual activity at all.
“I am waiting until marriage to have sex.” (millennial female, 25, senior) “Marriage. However long that takes.” (millennial female, 35, junior) “I haven't had sex with any of my past or current partner.” (millennial female, 21, sophomore) “Never.” (millennial female, 20, junior) “A few months until I know it's serious and is going somewhere with a future.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore) |
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“Months to years.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“Wait until marriage :) (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“I don’t know. I’m not sexually active.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“well I'm a virgin so at least a year or more best guess.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“years.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“forever.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“I do not have sex currently, I am saving myself for marriage.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“My boyfriend and I are waiting until marriage.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“If I was sexually active I would wait about 2-3 years.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“sir I am a virgin.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“Typically 8 months.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“umm pretty long 2 years lol.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
At the other end of the spectrum, we have students who made it clear that they weren’t interested in any delay but wanted to have action soon.
“I dont wait. No one has time for that.” (millennial male, 20, junior)
“not long enough.” (millennial female, 21, junior)
“Not long, usually the night of meeting them or within a few days.” (millennial female, 23, senior)
“Pretty quickly.” (millennial female, 20, junior)
“1 second.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“hours.” (Gen Z female, 18, junior)
“I don't wait.” (Gen Z female, 19, freshman)
“I like to hook up first time hanging out.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“Immediately.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“less than a day.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“Not long, the sooner the better, unless it is someone I genuinely care about. Then it is around 2 weeks or so.” (Gen Z male, 20, senior)
“right away.” (Gen Z male, 19, freshman)
As expected, there’s no answer to the question of whether it’s better to wait or engage in sex soon. The students’ narratives show that it all depends on the people involved and what they want or feel comfortable with. The main issue, of course, is that any sexual activity, regardless of when it happens, on the first date or years later after the wedding, has to be consensual. Any form of sexual abuse is wrong, no matter how long the people involved have known each other.
“Wait until marriage :) (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“I don’t know. I’m not sexually active.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“well I'm a virgin so at least a year or more best guess.” (Gen Z female, 19, junior)
“years.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“forever.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“I do not have sex currently, I am saving myself for marriage.” (Gen Z female, 18, freshman)
“My boyfriend and I are waiting until marriage.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“If I was sexually active I would wait about 2-3 years.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“sir I am a virgin.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“Typically 8 months.” (Gen Z female, 20, sophomore)
“umm pretty long 2 years lol.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
At the other end of the spectrum, we have students who made it clear that they weren’t interested in any delay but wanted to have action soon.
“I dont wait. No one has time for that.” (millennial male, 20, junior)
“not long enough.” (millennial female, 21, junior)
“Not long, usually the night of meeting them or within a few days.” (millennial female, 23, senior)
“Pretty quickly.” (millennial female, 20, junior)
“1 second.” (Gen Z male, 18, freshman)
“hours.” (Gen Z female, 18, junior)
“I don't wait.” (Gen Z female, 19, freshman)
“I like to hook up first time hanging out.” (Gen Z female, 20, junior)
“Immediately.” (Gen Z female, 19, sophomore)
“less than a day.” (Gen Z female, 18, sophomore)
“Not long, the sooner the better, unless it is someone I genuinely care about. Then it is around 2 weeks or so.” (Gen Z male, 20, senior)
“right away.” (Gen Z male, 19, freshman)
As expected, there’s no answer to the question of whether it’s better to wait or engage in sex soon. The students’ narratives show that it all depends on the people involved and what they want or feel comfortable with. The main issue, of course, is that any sexual activity, regardless of when it happens, on the first date or years later after the wedding, has to be consensual. Any form of sexual abuse is wrong, no matter how long the people involved have known each other.
